I really just don’t know what to do. I really wish there was some type of existence to remove every strand of memory I have of you from my head. It’s been almost a year since we split. But you came back to me several months after that. And since then you haven’t left my mind.. And it’s killing me. I WANT to forget about you. But you won’t leave my mind. I thought I was over you for a while, that’s when I got into another relationship. Thinking I was over you, thinking I found someone better. But I was completely wrong.. For some fucking reason, you slipped back into my mind not even 2 months after. I guess just seeing you at the family parties triggered everything.. Ugh. And so I drifted away from my relationship. It wasn’t fair to him that you were on my mind.
Did I do something wrong..? That day we went to Disneyland, you came up to me and apologized for hurting me. I took that apology to the heart, dude. Please, don’t apologize for something and then do it once more; it really fucks up my head, like it is now. And how about that day I told you that I preferred you not see other people during this “special friendship” we had, you specifically said that you would agree to what I said because you didn’t wanna throw away what we had then for something so prideful. You said that even though we weren’t official, we still had something going on and we’re not promised a lot of time, and you don’t wanna waste it having arguments with each other. And not even a couple weeks later, everything changed, like holy fuck. Like you were someone with a completely different state of mind. Like what we had the past month didn’t mean much to you. If you fucked a girl in Vegas and you were too afraid to tell me, then you should have. Instead of just leaving me in the dust like that.. If that’s not it, then what happened? I don’t even know what I did. You said you didn’t have time for a girlfriend because you’re too busy. Busy?? That whole month seemed to be perfectly fine. We had our own shit going on, we were able to fucking breathe.
I wish you didn’t lead me on.. And don’t deny it. Because you know you did. I wish you didn’t lead me on because until now, my head’s in a fucked up place. I don’t go a day without thinking about you and it’s seriously eating me inside. I realllllly wish I was over you 100%. Like I need some princess fairy godmother shit to get over you. I don’t even look at your Facebook, your Instagram. NOTHIN’. And you have not. left. my. mind. I’m just gonna assume you’re well over me since I’m the psychopath here. And I’m also gonna assume that you probably won’t even get the chance to read this because you probably never go on Tumblr anymore. But if I am oh so lucky that you DO read this, then congratulations. You just found out how I’m doing, what I’m feeling.
I could care less if you’re seeing someone else, trying to get at someone else, falling for someone else. Because honestly, no other girl will EVER love you as much as I did. They probably won’t deal with as much as I did either. I’m saying that with confidence because I have never had this much faith towards someone. Hmp.. I’ll see you around I guess..
P.S. I am DREADING Valentine’s day NOT BECAUSE you’re not here BUT BECAUSE I still have that video we recorded last year. You kissed me on the head in that one. It really sucks to have that in my computer (no I am not deleting it - too cute) which is the reason why I’m not looking forward to this year’s.
February 5, 2013.
Somebody please help me.. Because I’m starting to think I need serious therapy. :(